


Calm before the Storm

by drunkgoose



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Canon-Typical Violence, Coming Out, Except no Thanos, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Loki deserves to be happy, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Other people are around too, So does Steve, So is Bucky, Thor is a good big brother, Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Compliant, We don't see anything though, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-04-27 01:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14414553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkgoose/pseuds/drunkgoose
Summary: Steve is at a loss after signing the Accords and ends up holding onto the last person anyone would expect.“No I mean here, here, on Earth, why come back?” It was a sincere question and one that had been on his mind for a while. He understood why Loki would take the tesseract and why he traded it for his relative freedom, but why come to Earth in the first place, “I mean, you had the Tesseract, you could have gone anywhere in the universe, why let Thor take you back to Earth knowing what was waiting for you?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is really just self-indulgent fluff to soothe my soul before Infinity War. More chapters are already on their way but they probably won't be out until after IW.

   It’d been six months since Loki’s return to earth, to say it had been messy was an understatement, in fact the entire Asgardian situation was kind of a dumpster fire as far as Steve was concerned and he couldn’t help thinking that showing up with a spaceship full of semi-immortal refugees hadn’t been Thor’s brightest moment. Earth never exactly had a reputation for welcoming those who were different. Which for Loki had meant being able to sneak a deal with the UN through without too much commotion, and whilst everyone was too busy debating the human races position on an intergalactic refugee crisis no one noticed how the next days' headline would read, ** _“Loki set free in controversial deal”_** _._ If Steve was being honest he had more of a problem with how the deal had been reached than the exact terms. The Tesseract. It seemed that no matter how much time passed that damn cube was always round the corner waiting to bite him in the ass. In exchange for handing over the infinity stone, and in light of his actions during Ragnarok, the UN had agreed to release him into Thor’s (and by extension the Avengers) custody. Of course providing he signed the Sokovia Accords. And there was the second thing, part of Steve wanted to criticise Loki for his quick but skilful attempts at self-preservation, but when it came to the Accords Steve knew he was no one to talk about signing for a price, his just happened to be Bucky's freedom.

    Perhaps that’s why no one had objected much to Loki’s presence at the Avengers Facility, emotions were still raw from everything that had happened between them, throwing one trickster god into the mix couldn’t make things any more awkward than they already were. The line between who was the good guy and the bad guy had already been blurred past the point of easy recognition.   

    It was after a fight with Tony that Steve had begun to see the aforementioned God in a different light. The fight itself? Well, that had been about the same as the previous dozen. It always started off the same, they’d disagree about a strategy or a mission, “What do you care”, Tony would say, “We all know the only reason you’re here anyway”, and it would invariably devolve from there. Tony had eventually agreed to support Bucky’s pardoning and had even testified as a witness, but that didn’t mean he was about to throw a welcome party and was more than happy to find somewhere far from the Avengers for his parent’s killer to recover. This time had been one of the worse though, and Steve was about to lose it in front of everyone.

    “Captain”, Loki had eventually intervened placing a soft hand on his chest, neither wanting to provoke him or let him get any closer to Stark, “Are you sure that is wise?” It was nothing much, but it gave Steve the chance to compose himself enough to storm off instead of anything he'd regret in the long run.

    The area surrounding the Avengers facility was nothing to write home about, just green fields blemished by the sheen of an electric security fence flickering in the distance.  From eye level it was practically invisible but crouched down by the steps as Steve was it was unmissable once you knew it was there. Even so, Steve had learned to enjoy the silent solitude it could provide, his contemplation only broken by the sound of leather-clad footsteps coming up behind him. Steve must have shot a look that could kill because Loki immediately held his hands up in surrender.

    “Can I help you with something?” it came of crueler than Steve intended but he wasn’t in the mood for any of Loki’s tricks.

    “Merely inquiring as to whether or not you’re alright”, Loki said, hands still raised high. Steve stayed silent, staring out into the fields which at times felt more like a prison than a garden, “Very well then”, said Loki after the time outgrew his patience.

    “Wait”, Steve found himself saying, “Stay”. The older man obliged, perching himself down gracefully. He didn’t say anything, which was something Steve had noticed about Loki, he had a quick tongue but rarely engaged in conversation if he didn’t have to. 

    “Why are you here?” Steve asked finally.

    “Like I said -”.

    “No I mean here, here, on Earth, why come back?” It was a sincere question and one that had been on his mind for a while. He understood why Loki would take the tesseract and why he traded it for his relative freedom, but why come to Earth in the first place, “I mean, you had the Tesseract, you could have gone anywhere in the universe, why let Thor take you back to Earth knowing what was waiting for you?” Steve looked down at the flashing anklet poking out from underneath Loki’s clothes, it was made of Vibranium and warded with some kind of Magic Steve didn’t really want to ask about, all to make sure it couldn’t be tampered with. 

    “Sentiment”, it was a simple answer but Steve finally got it. Loki had stayed because Thor had wanted him to stay, it wasn’t about redemption in the eyes of Earth or maybe even the remaining Asgardians it was about redeeming himself in Thor’s eyes. In a weird way, Steve could almost relate, being willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of one person, it wasn’t exactly the same but it was enough for Steve to start to see behind the mask of the monster that Loki liked to pretend to be. 

    “If you could leave would you?” Steve knew the answer he wanted to hear.

    “Would you?” It was that moment that Steve realised that he was just as trapped as Loki, he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it. Figuring out a way to get Bucky and just running. But Bucky needed him to stay, just like Loki had to stay for Thor, even if it went against both their best interests.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to a party and a bottle of Asgardian liquor, Steve and Loki's relationship grows in a way neither of them saw coming.

    After their conversation Steve felt himself ease a little bit around Loki, he didn’t trust him, not by a long shot but he felt like he could let his guard down a little like he didn’t have to be Captain America at all times around him. They didn’t talk much but sometimes they’d just sit in comfortable silence together, Loki with a book and Steve with a sketchpad. It was nice to just exist without expectation sometimes, without having to be America’s golden boy, God’s righteous soldier. No one was going to claim that it wasn’t weird, this little friendship they’d built up, but it helped. Having a release meant that he and Tony fought less, which made life easier for everyone else, no doubt getting tired of walking on eggshells around them. Truth be told the only other person who he felt like that around was Bucky, who might have been improving but not that quickly. It got to the point where the only thing Steve looked forward to at the end of the day was the two of them sat alone in the Library.

    The public figure side of being an Avenger, that he didn't look forward too. It was safe to say that neither of them were too big on large crowds, at least not the kind that Stark gathered at his little soirees, making them far from a relaxing eveing in. Especially since that particular party was the first since the Accords had been ever so reluctantly signed. The whole routine was rinse and repeat by that point, he'd play the face of the team with journalists and maybe even a few politicians and esteemed guests but then it would get late, the 'important' ones would leave or get drunk at the open bar and everything tended to devolve closer and closer to a college dorm party. It was Tony hosting after all. Steve wasn't all that sure which one he preferred, or rather disliked less. Before the liquor started rolling he was paraded around like a trophy, being pretty much the only Avenger allowed to talk to the press (even after the Accords) but by the end of the night he felt like the designated driver in his own house

    Nat had started playing never have I ever which was Steve’s final exit cue, the only thing he'd done was waste what should've been his life trapped in a box of ice. He wandered around for a while until he found himself in the Library, whether he expected to find someone there he couldn't even tell you himself, but lo and behold there sat Loki in all his glory, sweeping his way through a book.

    “Hey”, Steve said awkwardly, not sure if he should be interrupting. It wasn't that Loki wasn't allowed at the party, on the contrary, Thor had made sure he knew that he was, but the press didn't exactly love Loki so Steve got why he might want to stay out of sight.

    “Captain”, he smiled back, Steve thought it looked genuine so he took his usual place in the opposite seat, “Not enjoying yourself?”

    “Hm?”

    “The party”, Loki clarified, which should have been unnecessary but there was something about being alone with him whilst everyone else danced the night away that made Steve’s heart flutter a little.

    “About as much as you by the looks of it”, he replied, hoping to regain his train of thought.  

    “Normally I would suggest intoxication as a solution”, Loki said, the left corner of his mouth raising ever so slightly.

    “I wish, I haven’t been able to get drunk since the forties”, sometimes it was one of the only things he missed about the pre-serum him, which he was sure a therapist would have a field day with.

    “Wait here”, said Loki, and Steve watched as the other man got up to run his fingers across the rows of books surrounding them, eventually settling on a particularly old looking one. But surprisingly (or unsurprisingly depending on how well you knew Loki) the book was nothing more than a facade and the next thing Steve was presented with was a bottle that looked about as old as Loki was. 

    “What is it”, Steve asked.

    “It would seem I was not the only one to pocket some of Asgard’s treasures, you would not believe the amount of Alcohol that was saved”, he replied, pulling two glasses from the sideboard and pouring a generous amount into each.

    The smell was something else, “Are you sure it’s safe for me to drink this?” Steve’s throat was already burning and he hadn’t even tasted the stuff yet.

    “I should think it is nothing that earth mightiest hero couldn't handle”, said Loki, sitting back down and raising his glass.

    “Cheers”. 

    Wow was that drink strong, Steve had to restrain from audibly choking after his first sip, but after a while, his mind and tongue became numb to it, which in hindsight was definitely a bad sign. Not that he didn’t have fun, truth be told it was probably the most fun he’d had in years. It appeared that the Asgardian drink had as much an effect on Loki as it did on Steve and before long both of them were past it. They spent all night swapping stories and Steve prayed he’d be able to remember the one about the time Thor beheaded a snake because he thought it was Loki and then cried about it for three days. Steve liked this Loki, the one who laughed and told dumb stories to embarrass his big brother.

    “Oh God I think I need to head up in a minute”, Steve said stumbling out of his chair, so much that Loki was forced to leap into action to stop him falling face first onto the floor, leaving them both unbalanced and unsure until they managed to settle themselves upright. Loki had anchored the tipsy super soldier by the waist and his long hands pressed into him was enough to form a knot in Steve’s stomach, who was becoming alarmingly aware that his weak knees might have had very little to do with the potent drink. Any other night he would have ignored it, he’d been doing a damn fine job for the best part of a century but maybe he’d drunk just enough or just too much to forget about all of that for long enough to turn on his heels and kiss him, the weight of the smaller man enough to knock both of them backwards until Loki’s mouth was out of reach. Any looks of confusion or surprise quickly vanishing as they both leaned in for more, hands wandering and bodies stumbling until they were pushed back against one of the lines of bookcases.

    “Steve?”, a voice called, both too preoccupied to attempt an identification, “Steve are you in here?” Nat. The men broke apart from each other's lips, but thankfully they were pressed flat enough against the stacks that they remained unseen and after not long they heard the heavy door close with a thud. Steve let out a sigh of relief and they both started to laugh, curling into each other as they did, allowing Loki to press soft kisses into the other man’s neck.

    “Room?” whispered Steve, reciprocating with a little tug on Loki’s earlobes, which he could have sworn made his knees buckle just a little.

    “Wait”, said Loki, his voice dulled by heavy breathing, “This is a bad idea".

    “Probably”, but he didn’t care anymore, in that moment he knew what he wanted and he planted another kiss, yanking him in by his hair before shoving him away with uncharacteristic force, but Loki seemed to get the message and let down his smug smile to grab Steve by the hand and lead him out of the Library and towards his room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get weird for Steve and Loki after the party, and neither one of them is sure how to handle it.

    The next morning came and Steve awoke to find himself tangled up in bedsheets, Loki sound asleep beside him. They were both still dressed which was a reassuring sign as he walked his mind through the previous nights events. Their clothes were crinkled and Loki’s black shirt was wide open which sent Steve back to memories of long kisses and heavy breathing and feelings he hadn't let himself feel in a long time. It was strange to be in Loki’s room for the first time like this. Six months had passed and it still looked so plain, so unlike the brash and loud colours Steve was used to associating with the Prince. There were a few trinkets here and there that looked like they’d been salvaged from Asgard, much like the liquor, but apart from that it was just white walls and generic furnishings.

    Damn Steve’s head hurt, he hadn't felt that bad since the one Christmas Eve he and Bucky had got almost black out drunk before midnight mass. Even getting out of the bed felt like someone was pressing a weight down on top of him. He looked over to the clock hanging by the door, it was only just gone six, and that's when he made the call to collect up his shoes and make a run for it, closing the door as quietly as possible. Which was admittedly not his proudest moment.

    The next few days were…awkward to say the least, and Steve probably wasn't doing much to help the situation. In his defence it wasn’t like he’d ever been in a position close to this before. The first half of his life he’d been an awkward scrawny kid from Brooklyn, he didn't have to nerve to talk to girls let alone guys, even the thought was terrifying. Then there was Peggy, a forever unanswered possibility, and after the ice it wasn't like he was lining up to add more shit to his plate, to put it crudely. And Loki wasn’t just _Loki_ , he was also a _he._ Growing up he wouldn't even of let himself think about the possibility for longer than a second or two. Poor kid had enough to deal with.

    But there he was, sat in a briefing staring at the infamous God of mischief, wondering if he was thinking the same thing as him. Tony was explaining a supposed Asgardian vault that had been found in Norway.

    Finally Steve started to hear a bit of what he was saying, “How likely are we thinking all of this is?”

    “It wouldn’t be the first time Odin buried away his valuables in other realms”, Thor was away being King as seemed to be more and more common these days, so Loki was taking point on the situation, “Especially if he feared Hela’s return”.

    “Any reason he would?” Clint said, apparently he’d not been enjoying his return from retirement, and the question was definetly more pointed than it needed to be.

    “Odin’s death was a long time in the making, well before I ever intervened”, said Loki, although it probably did little to change Clint’s mind.

    “Then I guess we’re going to Norway”, declared Tony, dropping the file to the glass table with a thud.

 

    As well as Steve and Loki, Tony had sent himself, Wanda and Nat (Much to Clint’s protest, not trusting Loki to come back, or not to use whatever was in there against them) along on the mission. The Quinjet landed at it’s destination after what, for Steve at least, had been a tense journey. Loki looked worried, more worried than he’d looked in a long time, it made Steve wonder just what they might find in Odin’s secret stash, and whether or not it was best left undisturbed. They stepped out into a forrest that seemed to surround them infinitely.

    “Co-ordinates say it should be just up ahead”, said Nat, taking the lead.

    “And watch yourselves, we don’t know what might be out here”, the reminding from Loki was ominous but well needed, the whole reason they knew about the crypt was because some kids had stumbled across a cavern, but had been thrown backwards by some unknown force as soon as they’d tried to walk in. It was impossible to know what kind of traps Odin might have set, if it indeed was his hidden treasure. Once they got there it was easy to see why Asgardian had been the first thought, the cave entrance was surrounded by nordic-looking runes that almost seemed to glow if you squinted a little in the sun light.

    “Miss Maximoff”, said Loki, gesturing for her to approach first, earning him a side eye from Nat, “I assure you I mean her no harm”.

    “Then why don’t you go first?” Natasha asked, eyes fixed on Loki.

    “If that place is warded against my magic, then me even going near it could kill all of us”. Wanda seemed uninterested in their little back and forth and was already stood by the cavern, red waves flowing from her fingertips, igniting the carvings, mixing with the golden light shining from the rock until everything faded. Steve could have even been convinced that the Sun had hidden itself a little further behind a cloud. 

    “It’s safe”, she said, a little out of breath.  

 

    Tony, in full armour, was the first one to step inside, followed closely by the others. The interior was even more spectacular, as they descended down, veins of that same golden light spanned the walls, illuminating everything in a soft almost pastel hue. Only Loki seemed unimpressed by the display, pushing forward to the large, stone slab that lay in the centre of the wide open cavern. He laid his hands out above it, shards of green appearing as he did.

    “What happened to the death thing?” asked Nat, her suspicions renewed.

    “Anything that could have happened would have already”. A moment later after some twist and turns of magic the illusion was lifted and Steve suddenly wondered how he could’ve missed the rows of Asgardian treasures in plain sight. Books and weapons and gold pieces, stacked and topsy turvy. It was incredible, one of the most amazing spectacles Steve had ever seen. Then came the mammoth job of moving it all. There was no way they could’ve done it all by themselves, and pretty quickly the entire site was swarming with UN personnel. Loki seemed perfectly content with watching as the work was done, box after box pouring out, at least until Nat put one of the boxes down with somewhat of a thud. His eyes narrowed, the lot in question hadn’t been packaged up yet and was still in it’s ornate Asgardian setting, all gold and jewelled, with tiny carvings of what looked like the royal family. It wasn’t to last however, as soon as Loki saw what the box was, he lunged, shoving Nat out of the way just as the entire thing went bang, sending out waves of gold light that were more violent than they were beautiful. Sharp and targeted they didn’t even span much distance but it was enough to send Loki flying backwards through the crowd, the crash was deafening. It was as if instinct kicked in and Steve ran after him, his knees colliding into the ground next to him, thankfully he was able to find a pulse, but damn Steve hadn’t seen him look this beaten up since New York. Everything was sort of a blur after that, shouting, Nat of all people screaming for a medic, he could remember how soft his hair felt, memories of soft kisses converging with the present of damp blood, low breaths and heavy eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Loki gets injured Steve is finally able to confront his feelings.

    The box, as Thor had explained, was filled with what was essentially the, highly volatile if handled incorrectly,  Asgardian equivalent of grenades. Christ if Loki hadn’t intervened then Natasha would probably be dead. Mercifully, it didn’t take Loki long to recover, a few days in the infirmary and he was free to go. Well, free on the promise of bedrest and minimal activity. That the doctors and Asgardian healers were in agreement on. A few days past before Steve worked up the courage to knock tentatively on Loki’s door, secretly hoping it was too late for him to be up, he had no idea what to say. Even if there wasn’t anything between them, which deep down Steve knew was a lie, at least on his part, there was too much left unsaid to do nothing again, to risk that ache in his chest when he thought he wouldn’t get a chance to at least talk things through. But he could hear footsteps, the door opened, he caught his breath. Loki still looked beaten up, his bruises were healing up nicely, but the dark blues and purples that proved everything was still raw remained. Far from his usual look, he wore only a pair of loose sweatpants and baggy t-shirt, all black of course

    “Captain”, the shock in Loki’s voice made Steve’s heart break a little, “What a wonderful surprise”, he waved his arm out, the invitation full of the confidence one could come to expect from Loki, but his smile, the way it lifted to one side, just a little too low for smugness was enough to give away his nervousness. Taking another good look at the place, Steve walked in, when he turned back to face him, he noticed that Loki was picking at his left hand just a little. Strangely, perhaps even selfishly, the small signs of Loki’s mutual worry were enough to settle Steve’s stomach a little. Who knows if that sliver of vulnerability is what gave him the confidence, but as soon as he heard the door close behind him he grabbed Loki, gripping to the thin fabric of his shirt. The kiss was unpracticed and without the numbing blanket of alcohol, but it felt more real, more grounded and before he knew it their hands were back on each other's bodies until Loki winced from the residual pain of his injuries.

    “Sorry”, whispered Steve, still closes enough to feel each other's laboured breaths, “Does that hurt?”

    “I’ll survive”. Steve lent in for a softer less impulsive kiss, their lips barely touching.

    Loki lent his hand on Steve's chest, “Stop”, he said, “Are you sure about this?” The implication of the question was clear, and sure, this was objectively insane, they were both stone cold sober and Loki was Loki, even he knew that. But whatever rational part of his brain was reminding him of that fact was tiny and all Steve could do was nod, he wanted this, for better or for worse.

    “I'm sure”, he reiterated, and they fell back into it, and then into the bed, and then into everything. There were no more hazy flashes of drunken desire, everything was clear, the slow steps playing out one by one, as easy as breathing.

    They awoke the next day to ruffled sheets and warm skin pressed together, Steve comfortably nuzzled into Loki’s chest, an arm wrapped around him. He must have already been awake because as soon as Steve stirred, his head was greeted with a small kiss that sent a soothing rush through his body.

    “Good morning”, said the god, his voice still muffled by Steve’s hair.

    “Morning”. The pair lay in comfortable silence for a moment, Steve could have stayed like that forever, shuffling himself so far into the other man’s body he was soon planting kisses up and down his still bruised torso. Eventually raising his hand from his side to run circles around the purplish marks, which made Loki let out a little moan, indistinguishable as either pleasure or pain. Either way, it seemed to reinvigorate him, he wriggled out from under Steve’s grasp and walked across the bedroom, pulling on a shirt and some sweatpants that were draped across a lounge chair.

    “Going somewhere?” Asked Steve, slightly unsure of what to do with himself.

    “Breakfast”, he told him, walking back over to the bed, leaning in for another kiss, “You’ve left me with quite the appetite”. Steve could feel blood rushing to his cheeks and his mouth dry up, which judging by Loki’s signature smirk was the intended outcome. But two could play at that game he thought, Steve lent back into it, harder this time, tugging ever so slightly on his hair, pulling back in a way that made Loki try and chase him with his mouth, but Steve didn’t let him bite, leaving the other man gaping and breathless.

    “I should go”, he said, composing himself, “You’re injured”.

    “After last night I think I should be able to manage breakfast”. And Steve was blushing again, satisfied that he’d won, Loki went in for one more chaste kiss, “I’ll be back soon”.

 

    The kitchen wasn’t far from Loki’s rooms, and it was early enough that no one else was around. As he closed the door behind him and made his way to the fridge, he could feel a genuine smile creep across his face. He _liked_ Steve Rogers, and more than that Steve Rogers liked him. And even he didn’t possess enough pessimism to ruin that, for now at least. It didn’t take him long to whip up some food, he’d found that he’d liked cooking since he'd got to Midgard, the routine and the method, it reminded him of the kind of magic he’d practised with Frigga as a child. He returned to his room, now carrying a tray of bacon, eggs and some pancakes.

    “Wow”, said Steve as he laid eyes on the display, still sat in the same spot as when Loki left, “You weren’t kidding about being hungry”. Loki placed the tray down at the end of the bed, climbing back under the covers, giving Steve yet another good morning kiss.

    “If you ask nicely I might share”, he said, the mischief in his voice lit something inside of Steve and he started to giggle, only quieted by the continued presence of Loki’s mouth on his. They spent the rest of the morning feasting on the meal Loki had prepared for them, the conversation flowing easily from one story to another, their long-missing smiles finally coming home.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor returns and manages to interrupt one of Steve and Loki's more intimate moments, and Steve starts to deal with the wider implications of his relationship with Loki.

From that point on Steve couldn’t wait to spend time with Loki, every moment he could spend hidden away with him was blessed. If more infrequent than either of them would have liked, privacy wasn’t exactly an easy thing to get in a building shared with almost everyone they knew. That’s why they’d been elated when they’d actually managed to spend the day together, usually, it was stolen mornings and quiet nights, and there was something refreshing about being curled up in a bed with the mid-afternoon sun falling through the windows.

    “I need to go train”, said Steve half-heartedly, the last thing he really wanted to do was go anywhere, not with Loki sitting on top of him, legs wrapped around his waist, their shirts long gone. Loki was running a trail of kisses up and down Steve’s neck and he was grateful his uniform had a collar.

    “The world can wait”, Loki told him in-between kisses, “You, Captain, are staying right here”. Steve sort of loved it when Loki called him Captain, everyone else rotated through the various options, but with Loki, he was always the Captain. The only exception being when they were in bed together, where his given name would slip in-between moans sometimes. Which is where it seemed that they were headed until their isolated bliss was interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

    “Ignore it”, said Loki, moving his hand to Steve’s waistband, who was happy to oblige, but the pounding at the door continued and Loki groaned in annoyance.

    “Loki”, the voice from behind the door called, and both their eyes widened. Since Loki’d been injured his brother had made an effort to be around more, as much as he could. Which Steve would normally be thankful for, he knew however much Loki pretended otherwise he did miss his big brother, but did he have to have an outpouring of familial love right that second.

    “Shit”, Steve exclaimed, letting a rare amount of profanity slip from his internal monologue.

    “Wait. He’ll go away”.

    “Loki! I know you’re in there”, Thor relented and Loki sighed at his brother’s terrible timing, but they stayed still thinking that he’d eventually get the message. That was until they heard the door unlock, at which point Steve moved faster than he’d run from the Nazi’s, abandoning his clothes and diving into the adjoining bathroom, all whilst Loki scrambled for his bathrobe. The speed at which they’d moved was impressive, and by the time Thor was walking in Loki was semi-dressed to meet him.

    “Can I help you”, he said, hoping the clear annoyance in his tone would be enough to get Thor to leave. Unfortunately, subtlety was never his brother's strong suit.

    “Why aren’t you dressed, it’s the middle of the afternoon?”.

    “I was about to take a shower”, it was a weak explanation but Thor seldom cared about smaller lies by that point.

    “Oh”. _Yes_ , Loki thought, seeing the embarrassment rush across his brother’s face. “Well, we were going to order food in, I thought you might like to join”.

    “Of course”, shit, he should have objected more, it was rare Loki agreed to spend time with the other Avengers without a little coercion on Thor’s, or more recently the Captain’s, part. 

    “Are you sure you’re okay?”

    “Never better, I assure you”, Loki said, walking Thor back into the hallway, “I’ll meet you in a moment”. And with that, he closed the door with a sigh of relief. 

 

 

    Bucky, of course, found the entire story hilarious when he’d had it recounted it to him, laughing himself into a frenzy the likes of which Steve hadn’t seen since before the fall.

    “I’m sorry Steve, but I can’t believe you hid like some scared teenager”, he said in between bouts of hysterical laughter.

    “Are you done?” asked Steve, leaning back in his chair. He liked seeing Bucky like this, happy and carefree, laughing at his best friend almost getting caught in the act. The doctors assured him that he was making progress, and the place he was in didn’t seem so bad, the room was pleasant enough and the staff were nice, and it had been Bucky’s choice to recover away from the Avengers and all the memories that came with them. Eventually, Bucky managed to contain his amusement and silenced suddenly lulled over them, Steve tapped his thumb against his knee wondering if he should address the elephant in the room.

    “So, you-you’re okay with it then”, Steve’s throat dried up as he spoke, “Me being with a guy, you know, like that”, he struggled to look up from the ground as he waited in agony for a response.

   Bucky sighed, and Steve's heart dropped, “I don’t know, maybe if you’d asked me ninety years ago I would have had a different answer”, he explained, forcing Steve to look him in the eye, “But now, all the shit we’ve both been through, if you can find happiness with anyone I don’t really care who”. Steve laughed a sigh of relief, struggling to fight back tears.

    “And what about the other thing?” Steve asked, a little less afraid of the answer.

    “What, you mean that he tried to take over the world?” Steve nodded. “I guess people change, if you trust him then that’s good enough for me”. Trust. Steve hadn’t really thought about it, but he supposed he did trust Loki, at least in one way or another. He’d let him see this part of himself no one had ever seen before, so deep down he must have trusted him somewhere.

    “Just be careful”, Bucky added, “I meant what I said, you deserve to be happy, not hurt”. It was true, Loki could break him even more than he was already broken, perhaps that’s where the trust came in. All Steve knew was that as soon as he got home, he was headed straight to Loki and holding him close, a little less concerned about who might walk in.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The comfortable rhythm of Steve and Loki's is shaken in one of the worst ways possible.
> 
> It had been a perfectly ordinary morning, the only marginally unusual thing being the late hour at which Steve and Loki emerged for breakfast. Strolling into the kitchen, talking and laughing like they always did in each others company, but it didn’t last, as soon as Steve saw everyone gathered around the table he knew something was wrong. As soon as they saw the pair their faces shifted from concern and anger to pity.
> 
> “Is something wrong?” asked Steve, he knew the answer, but it was worth a try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I saw Infinity War and I'm not gonna spoil anything but Oh My God! I'll probably end up incorporating the plot into this at some point but for now I just want my babies to have fun and be happy.

The rest of the Avengers found out slowly, first Natasha who along with Clint had mostly already figured it out. Steve was pretty sure they’d been gossiping about their suspicions because as soon as they knew, Wanda and Vision seemed to know as well, which was thankfully just kind of amusing, seeing as how Vision didn’t have the best of grasps on the whole secret keeping thing yet. Then he’d told Sam, they were friends and it felt weird keeping it a secret once other people knew, Bruce had accidentally overheard everything and was so apologetic it was laughable, which was surprisingly sweet considering Loki’s involvement. Eventually, it became this weird open secret that everybody knew but nobody talked about much.

    “Wait, did everyone know about this?” asked Tony when he’d finally been told, much to the amusement of the rest of the team. The only person that didn’t know was Thor, which was admittedly a little strange, if not uncomfortable. With everyone else it had felt like Steve’s job to say something, Loki might have been somewhat comfortably on the team by then, but they still felt like his. Thor, on the other hand, had been Loki’s brother for centuries longer than he’d been an Avenger, and Steve wasn’t about to get into the middle of a relationship he’d barely even begun to scratch the surface of. The situation wasn’t made any easier by Thor’s coming and going which pretty much eliminated the necessity of telling him, the rest of the team had all known for weeks, and it hadn’t taken them long to get used to them being together and Steve was happy to let Loki tell Thor in his own time, as was everyone else.

    Unfortunately, they never got that far. It had been a perfectly ordinary morning, the only marginally unusual thing being the late hour at which Steve and Loki emerged for breakfast. Strolling into the kitchen, talking and laughing like they always did in each others company, but it didn’t last, as soon as Steve saw everyone gathered around the table he knew something was wrong. As soon as they saw the pair their faces shifted from concern and anger to pity.

    “Is something wrong?” asked Steve, he knew the answer, but it was worth a try.

    “I take it neither of them has checked their phones this morning”, muttered Clint, earning him a light whack from Natasha.

    Loki stepped forward from behind Steve, “Will one of you please tell us what the meaning of all this is?” he said. Natasha handed them the tablet she’d been holding, when he looked down Steve’s stomach dropped, it was them, pictures of them, him and Loki. They all looked like they’d been taken with a long lens camera, peeping in through the windows of Loki’s bedroom, the further he scrolled down the more intimate they got. Steve dropped the tablet, his face twisting and snapping. He went for Stark, thrusting him up against the wall before anyone could restrain him, his arm an inch away from choking him.

    “How the hell could you let this happen!” He screamed. 

    “How was I supposed to know someone was gonna start snooping from the bushes!”

    “This is your facility, it’s supposed to be secure”, his anger had turned from blind, bitter rage to him trying to hold back tears.

    “Steve”, pleaded Loki, resting his arm on his lover’s shoulder, the sound of his name coming from his lips transporting him back to moments of calm ecstasy, “This isn’t his fault”. Steve knew he was right, he wanted someone to blame and it was easy to blame Tony for everything. When he let Tony go the room collectively sighed in relief. But as he stormed off all Steve could think about was those pictures. They grated on him, he could tell when they’d been taken, what they’d been saying and doing, perfect memories tainted. 

    Loki found him in his room, the familiar sight of him sitting on the edge of the bed would have been comforting if he didn't look so broken. 

    “I'm sorry”, said Steve, “I didn't mean to lash out, I just wanted, I wanted this to be our thing, not have it twisted into some scandal”.

    “Captain”, Loki replied taking a seat next to him, “Is the situation ideal? No, but as of now…it is what it is, and we have to trust that the cards will fall in our favour”.

    “And if they don't?”

    “There are worse things”, as he spoke he started to feel his phone vibrate in his front pocket.

    “You should get that”.

    “No, it’s fine”, he said, pulling the phone out and declining the call, he knew who it’d be and he didn’t want Steve to realise.

    “Thor”, too late, Steve hung his head in his hands, “I’m Sorry, I didn’t even think, are you okay? You need to talk to him”.

    “It will keep”. Loki held out his hand tentatively interlocking their fingers together, his best attempt at comfort and support. But Steve was right, he’d have to talk to Thor eventually, whether over the phone or in person, he might have been busy resettling Asgard but he wasn’t so busy that he wouldn’t notice his little brother caught up in a sex scandal with Captain America. 

 

    The entire situation was a mess from every angle, Fox News cared more about the fact that Loki was a guy than the fact he led an Alien Invasion. Other, more reasonable outlets, were spilt, either condemning the Avengers continued involvement with Loki or debating the morality of outing one of the worlds most famous figures. The ‘journalist’ who’d taken the pictures in the first place apparently had a history of this sort of thing and thanks to pressure from Stark, had been promptly fired. Not that it mattered much, he was probably already rich from them in the first place. The unavoidability of it all was the most frustrating, it wasn’t just the media picking sides, the public was as well. Although on that front things didn’t seem all bad.

 

_Say what you want about Loki, but peeping through someone's bedroom window with a long lens so you can publicly out them is creepy af #captainamerica_

 

_Devils advocate here, but our leaders are hardly shining examples of virtue #loki #captainamerica_

 

_Me: STEVE ROGERS IS THE BISEXUAL ICON WE DESERVE!_

_You: But he’s dating Loki?_

_Me: And would you look at that, I don’t care._

 

_You guys don’t get to use Loki as an excuse to be homophobic assholes. You kind of lose the moral high ground when you start throwing slurs around._

 

    Okay, so it wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement of their relationship, but it could have been worse. Nat kept sending him links to positive tweets and posts, which was sweet in a very Natasha way. Everyone kept assuring him that it would go away in a few days, but things felt like they were escalating by the hour.

    “You need to put out a statement”, said Tony after a day of non-stop phone calls. Pepper had given a press conference about how the entire incident was an invasion of privacy etc. etc. But Steve trying to talk about it, he wasn’t even sure where he’d start.

    “No”, he told him.

    “Steve, maybe it’s not the worst idea”, Natasha interjected, obviously trying to mediate the situation.

    “I can’t do it, I can’t stand on that little stage an-and talk about all of this”, his eyes met with Loki, pleading he’d come up with a radical solution, but he was helpless, all he could do was slouch awkwardly in a chair hoping everything would be okay.

    “Well what about an interview, one-on-one, no hoards of press and cameras”, Stark suggested, “We find a reporter who’s sympathetic but the right image out there, we could turn this whole thing around”.

    “That could work”, agreed Nat. Steve nodded, realising that he couldn’t avoid this forever. And as scared as he was for the interview Thor’s return beat it hands down, the thrashing sounds of lightning were ominous at the best of times. But Loki was prepared for the knock on his door, the little taps softer than what he was accustomed to expecting from his brother, his hesitation in opening the door equally out of character. To his surprise, however, the first thing Thor did upon seeing his mischievous younger sibling was wrap his arms around him for the warmest embrace the two had had in years. 

    “How are you brother?” 

    “I’m fine”, Loki replied slightly confused about this outpouring of affection, he was far more worried about Steve’s state of mind than his own. It was awkward at first, neither of them knowing quite what to say in front of the other.

    “Why didn’t you tell me”, Thor eventually blurted out, his head ducking away from Loki’s line of sight.

    “I'm not sure”, it wasn't a lie exactly, he just hadn't let himself think about it long enough to come up with an answer, “It’s not like communication is our family's area of expertise”, which was an understatement, “Oh I don’t know, the Captain is your friend-”

    “- And you’re my brother!” Those words cut like a knife, Loki was used to telling small and inconsequential lies, in his mind after everything he’d done omitting who he was sharing a bed with seemed exactly that. But it wasn't. It was him hiding away little pieces of himself because it was easier than letting people in.

    “I’m sorry”, he said finally.

    “I just, I thought we were making progress”, admitted Thor, “I thought we were getting back to the way things used to be, the good old days”. Loki scoffed, that was the difference between the brothers, Thor yearned for days gone by because they were the days he hadn't realised Loki was as miserably unhappy as he'd always been.

    “What?” Thor asked 

    “Those were your good days!” He replied from the wells of the anger he'd felt for a lifetime, “but they were never mine”. Suddenly he felt like he'd done stood in those vaults, learning everything about him had been a lie, he could feel his tears making a break for it.

    “Loki I…” he could see Thor trying to find the words, eventually abandoning his attempts and shifting the subject. “What about now”, he said.

    “What do you mean?”

    “Are you happy now, with Steve I mean?” Loki didn't reply but the slight twisting of the corner of his lips was enough to give Thor his answer.

 

    Captain America was ready for this interview, at least that's what he kept telling himself, he wasn't all that convincing but it was better than spiralling to the point of insanity. Loki had stayed at the Avengers compound, the PR army that Tony had hired felt it was probably better to try and keep the narrative focused on Captain America rather than the God of Mischief. Which was fair enough. And to be honest, didn't all that bother Steve, he’d much rather be able to think back to the morning of laying in bed wrapped up in each other's arms with a smile across both their faces, than have to watch Loki try to hide his anxiousness as he paced up and down a dressing room floor. The journalist Tony had selected seemed nice, she was an old friend he’d said, the whole thing was being televised live, which someone had said was supposed to express transparency. However, it felt anything but, the entire event was a contrived attempt at spinning a story in their favour without actually having to reveal all the facts.

 

    The beginning of the interview was fine, some generic questions about his military service, the same questions he’d been asked a million times. But he could feel the tone shift as soon as she mentioned his “controversial relationship with his teammates adopted brother, Loki”.

    “What do you say to people who are calling you a traitor in light of the revelations?” She asked.

    “Honestly, I think people are making a snap judgment decision based on information that was gathered using illegal, not to mention immoral, tactics”, good, he thought, keep the focus on how the story was leaked, exactly what he'd been told to do.

    “What about suggestions that your relationship may have contributed to what many saw as a sweetheart deal for the God of Mischief”, did she have to call him that?

    “It had nothing to do with it because it didn't exist, Loki’s punishment was based upon testimony from not only fellow Avengers but countless Asgardian refugees who wanted to ensure that any sentence was given in light of his more recent actions”. The rest of the interview went as smoothly as it could've done, and he managed to get an applause as he left, but what happened next Steve could never have been prepared for. 

    He got back to HQ and, as he would have expected, there was a crowd of photographers and reporters, what seemed odd was that they barely even turned their heads when the car carrying Steve pulled up and into the garage, even odder was the podium laid out on the front lawn. Nat was there waiting for him.

    “What’s going on?” Steve asked, gesturing to the commotion outside.

    “You’ll see”. She led him up the stairs to the main entrance, just as they got there, they saw Loki being led out the glass doors, Tony on one side, Rhodey on the other, stepping into a hoard of screaming vultures. He panicked and lunged forward only to be dragged back from the view of the crowd, instead Nat pulled him into a side room with a TV. On the screen he could see Loki, dressed in a full black three-piece suit, of course, take his position in front of his not-so-adoring definitely-not-fans. He coughed slightly, and they all fell silent except for the faint clicking of cameras every few seconds.

    “I would first like to express my deepest regrets to the people of Earth for my actions in New York, like many a leader I was blinded by the desire for power and a place to wield it without objection. And I can only hope that my future actions convince people of my worthiness of this planet and its hospitality”. Damn Loki was good at this, definitely not the first time he'd had to talk his way out of trouble, “In regards to my ongoing relationship with Captain Steven Rogers”, he went on, “I will say only this, think badly of me if you wish, perhaps I deserve to have my privacy invaded in the name of public interest, but he does not, so all I ask of you today is to respect that, thank you”. The crowd erupted with questions as he walked away, Tony stepping in to tell them they “wouldn't be taking any at this time”. Steve was amazed, the interview and press conference both went viral, it was like the wind shifted, that night the news talked about Loki as a fallen leader trying to atone for his mistakes, rather than a heartless killer being given undeserved clemency.

    “Why didn’t you tell me?” Steve asked later that night, setting two glasses of wine down on the coffee table, Loki leant over, pouring a few drops of Asgardian liquor to both glasses and handing one over.

    “Cheers”, he said, but Steve wasn’t interested and dragged his wine backwards and away from the other man.

    “Seriously?” Steve asked, “You could have told me”.

    “I know”, Loki said with a sigh, “But quite simply I didn’t want you to worry. _Or_ try and stop me”. Whilst Steve didn’t appreciate the deception he did understand it, ever since Loki’s return the plan had been simple, keep his head down until people forget about him, and deviating from that was a huge risk that could have put his entire deal in jeopardy.

    “Well I’m glad I didn’t”, said Steve, finally ringing their glasses together. The wine was soon gone and they ended the night like they did most, submerged in each other's arms like normal. _Normal_. Steve liked the sound of that.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky finally comes home, which both excites and terrifies Steve.
> 
> “I know what you’re trying to do”.
> 
> “And what am I trying to do?”
> 
> “Distract me”. Steve loosened Loki’s grip on him and swung him around so that they were facing one another.
> 
> “I’m sure Sergeant Barnes is fine, everything is here waiting for him, including you”. Deep down Steve knew that Loki was right, they wouldn’t be releasing him if he wasn’t ready, not to mention that Tony wouldn’t be letting Bucky within five-hundred feet of the compound if he had any doubts.

    “Is the suit really necessary?” Not that Loki had been complaining about getting to watch from the bed as his better half cycled through wardrobe changes, but the sight of him shuffling about in front of the mirror was becoming tiresome.

    “What, I just wanna look good, that’s not a crime”, Steve mumbled, fiddling with his tie and making a right mess of it as well. Loki took pity and gestured for him to come closer so he could take over.

    “With all due respect Captain, you’re going to retrieve your friend from a psychiatric facility, not a coronation”, he reminded him, removing the truly horrendous tie Steve had chosen for himself and replacing it with one of his own, much thinner, black ones, swatting Steve’s hand away when he tried to redo the top button.

    “The press’ll be there, his trail wasn’t exactly under the radar”, Steve was quick to tell him, turning back to face the floor length mirror opposite the bed.

    “That doesn’t make it a formal event”. Loki crept up, slowly slinking his arms around the Captain’s waist, pressing a series of small kisses into his neck.

    “I know what you’re trying to do”.

    “And what am I trying to do?”

    “Distract me”. Steve loosened Loki’s grip on him and swung himself around so that they were facing one another.

    “I’m sure Sergeant Barnes is fine, everything is here waiting for him, including you”. Deep down Steve knew that Loki was right, they wouldn’t be releasing him if he wasn’t ready, not to mention that Tony wouldn’t be letting Bucky within five-hundred feet of the compound if he had any doubts.

    “When did you get so smart?” asked Steve.

    “Around about the time I stopped picking fights with you”, Loki replied jovially, enough to elicit a humming chuckle from the other man.

 

    The press was out in full force when Steve’s car pulled up outside the facility Bucky had called home for the best part of a year. Up by the police barriers, it was mainly paparazzi and camera crews, but he could see a cluster of news crews a bit further away. The release process was most of the way done by the time he’d got there and Bucky was signing the last few discharge papers, agreeing to continued psychological assessment and the like, and he seemed in good spirits.

    “How bad is it out there?” Bucky asked, trying to hide his clear signs of worry.

    “It’ll be fine, the cars behind a barricade you don’t have to talk to any of them, don’t even have to see ‘em”. And Bucky nodded his head, putting his trust in Steve that everything was going to be okay. And for the most part, it was, they got back to the Avengers compound, there wasn’t a welcome party, but Steve was happy to see that Tony had managed to keep the press away and everything at home felt normal. In fact, the strangest thing was how nice Sam was being to him, offering to take his stuff up to his room whilst Steve showed him around. The grand tour took way longer than unpacking the few bits and pieces that Bucky had brought with him, and the size and scale of everything seemed to bemuse him a little.

    “Don’t worry”, said Steve, “You’ll get used to it, and if you need anything just ask F.R.I.D.A.Y”.

    “What?” asked Bucky, not knowing what Steve meant by telling him to ask a day for help, but of course F.R.I.D.A.Y was a supercomputer that lived in the ceiling.

 

    “How did it go?” asked Loki when Steve got back, greeting him with a kiss that lasted longer than it needed to.

    “Okay, I think, once he gets settled, gets into a routine”.

    “Gets used to living with his former adversaries”, Loki half-joked, but all Steve could do was exhale, like coming home and hearing Loki’s voice and his little quips had lifted all the weights of the day off his shoulders, “You look tired”.

    “Thanks”. Loki snickered, he loved it when Steve let out his inner cheek. “I can think of a few things you could do to wake me up”, said Steve, leaning back into Loki’s mouth and running his fingers across the top his belt buckle. 

    “Really you want to do this right now?” Loki asked with a raised eyebrow.

    “It’s been a really long day”, said Steve, starting to push Loki back towards the bed, his now crumpled suit quickly discarded to the floor, the pleasure of being so completely together washing away some of the pain.

    

    The next morning Bucky woke up to a nock on his door, his heart skipped a beat, not being able to remember the last time someone had waited for him to let them in. To his surprise, he was greeted by a tall man dressed all in black and with is his hair half tied up in a bun.

    “Hi, I’m- ”.

    “I know who you are”, interrupted Bucky, obviously it was Loki, the man he’d listen to his best friend gush about for the better part of three months. It wasn’t that he had anything against him and Steve being together but he was understandably wary of anyone with his track record of betrayal and deceit.

    “Right, well the Captain, Steve, was going to pick up breakfast, I was going to ask if you wanted to join?” Bucky couldn’t help but smile at how nervous he sounded, and he couldn’t lie, it made him happy that Steve was with someone who cared enough to make an effort with him. 

    “Sure why not”.

 

    By the time Steve came back with everyone's orders, he was shocked to find Bucky and Loki deep in laughter. _Wow, this is going to be easier than I thought_. Was his first reaction, until he asked what was so funny and both of their cackles intensified.

    “What did he tell you?” asked Steve, realising that he was probably the source of their mutual amusement. The truth was that he didn’t really care though, Loki and Bucky were getting along, both had huge beaming smiles that he didn’t get to see enough and that was the end of it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's magic is corrupted into his worst nightmare 
> 
> Steve could tell something was up with Loki, he was more restless than usual and it was like he couldn’t sit still for more than a minute without scratching at his arm, or shuffling around underneath the sheets. Even once he had fallen asleep it took Steve wrapping his arms all the way around his body to get him to stay still long enough for Steve to doze off himself. He couldn’t have told you how long it lasted, not long judging by how tired he felt when he woke up to the sound of glass breaking and it took him longer than it should’ve done to get up and see where the noise came from. The first thing he noticed was the unusually cold empty bed beside him, he panicked until he saw the light creeping out from underneath the bathroom door.
> 
> “Loki?” he said as he reached the door, “Is everything okay in there”.

    It turns out that one of the problems with trying to resettle an Alien species on Earth was that everything, literally everything that had been on the Asgardian refugee ship had to be categorised and inventoried. Nine months later and they were still working through the backlog, and there was no shortage of pissed off Asgardians who weren’t exactly happy about having to hand over all their other-worldly possessions in the first place. Despite some initial resistance, Loki had been very quickly put in charge of the entire operation (under the strict supervision of the Avengers of course) after it became astonishingly clear that Thor neither possessed the time nor the patience for such a detail orientated task and the rest of the Avengers were happy to support the move seeing as how it was an easy way to make Loki useful, all the while keeping him close by and out of trouble. It wasn’t even like Loki disliked his assignment, he had a team of UN personnel working under him who were mostly competent, and it was reassuring to know that at least some of Asgard had survived Ragnarok, that they weren’t completely without their history. Trouble, however, always seemed to figure out a way to creep back up on him.

    Steve had almost had a heart attack when a young aide had found him to tell him there had been an explosion in the Asgardian Archives. The last time Loki had been hurt it had been at the hands of Asgardian weaponry and it had taken him weeks to fully heal. So when he saw Loki calmly sweeping up some of the minor debris, his heart when back to its normal resting place. 

    “You’re okay”, It was half a question, half a sigh of relief.

     Loki looked up to see Steve standing over him, the look of worry only partially lifting from his face, “I’m fine”, he assured him, “An old heirloom that probably had a little more power than the owners realised that’s all”. Looking around it was clear that ‘explosion’ had been a little overboard, the area looked more dishevelled than usual, a few things were broken and Steve wouldn't have been surprised if someone had told them there’d been a robbery, but Alien explosion certainly wouldn't have been his first guess. Everything seemed fine, but then again, everything always seemed fine. 

    Obviously Loki had downplayed the effects of the incidents, not wanting to worry him unnecessarily, and in his defence any immediate damage seemed limited he had a small scratch on his upper arm and he’d landed on his wrist in an unfortunate position, but nothing that wouldn’t be healed within a few hours at most. What he neglected to mention were the far less obvious implications, externally the power of the artefact, some kind of small statuette, was limited, but Loki could feel it tampering with him on a much deeper level. Clearly, it had been designed to deter anyone with magic from stealing or harming it and Loki could feel it crawling under his skin, his best bet was to refrain from using any magic until it wore off. Which, judging by the crude way it jabbed and poked at him, wouldn’t be long and he was quick on taking Steve up on his offer to retire for the evening.

 

    Steve could tell something was up with Loki, he was more restless than usual and it was like he couldn’t sit still for more than a minute without scratching at his arm, or shuffling around underneath the sheets. Even once he had fallen asleep it took Steve wrapping his arms all the way around his body to get him to stay still long enough for Steve to doze off himself. He couldn’t have told you how long it lasted, not long judging by how tired he felt when he woke up to the sound of glass breaking and it took him longer than it should’ve done to get up and see where the noise came from. The first thing he noticed was the unusually cold empty bed beside him, he panicked until he saw the light creeping out from underneath the bathroom door.

    “Loki?” he said as he reached the door, “Is everything okay in there”.

    “It’s fine”, replied Loki, it was an obvious lie, which was worrying for the God of Mischief, and Steve could hear the pain in his voice, almost a whimper.

    “Loki let me in”, he tried for the door but it was, unsurprisingly, locked.

    “No”.

    “Why not?” There was something different about this, Loki had bad days, God knows they both did, days where he’d wake up shaking and sweating and mumbling names he was sure weren’t human. But both of them made a point of never prying, so why wouldn’t Loki let him in? “Talk to me”, he said.

    “Ther- There’s something wrong with my magic”, Loki admitted hesitantly.

    “What kind of magic are you doing in the bathroom in the middle of the night?” The question came off sharper than Steve had intended, but it did seem odd, and for a minute he thought he might have lost any chance of Loki trusting him.

    “Steve”, he sounded so defeated, so scared, an emotion that until then Steve wasn’t sure Loki possessed, “If I let you in, promise not to leave me”.

    “Of course not”, the answer seemed self-evident, what could Loki possibly tell him that he didn’t already know? He heard the lock click and the door crept open. Loki was hunched over the sink, his hair obscuring most of his face, so the first thing Steve noticed was the broken glass and smattering of blood, it was only when he grabbed hold of his hand to check for injuries that he noticed their colour. In fact, his entire body was an ice cold shade of blue, and his eyes a piercing blood red, if Steve hadn’t of known it was Loki he’d have been terrified. It was easy to forget sometimes that Loki wasn’t human, he had such a talent for adapting to his surroundings, much more so than Thor, but that didn’t change that he wasn’t. He knew that Loki was an alien, and he knew that he wasn’t Asgardian, but he’d never realised quite by how much. Before Steve had time to formulate a response, Loki was flinging his arms around him, his bloodied hands clinging to the scruff of his shirt. 

    “I can’t get it to go away”, Loki wept, the cold starting to seep into Steve’s skin, “Please, make it go away”.

    “Shhh, it’s okay”, was all Steve could think to say, but Loki pushed away from him.

    “No, it’s not!” He yelled, pummelling his hand further into the mirrors shattered remains, wincing as he pulled it back, blood was now covering most of his hand, glass embedded in the skin.

    “Stop!” said Steve, wrestling both of Loki’s hands into his own, “Stop”, he repeated more calmly, but Loki still writhed at the contact, “It’s just skin, it’s just magic, it doesn’t change anything. Do you hear me?" Loki stood still. “Tell me you hear me?” All he managed was a feeble nod before collapsing into Steve’s arms, his knees buckling to fit entirely into the smaller man’s body.

    They stayed like that for a while, until Steve was able to coax Loki back into the bedroom, resting him down on the couch whilst he went to fetch the first aid kit from the corridor. When he returned Loki was hunched into the sofa, staring down at his hands with what looked like shame, tears still wandering out of his still red eyes. Steve lent down next to him and started trying to clean out his wounds, which was made all the more difficult by his rapid healing as some had already started to close, making the removal of the leftover chunks of glass even more painful. Ideally, he would have taken him to the sick bay, but he knew that wasn’t happening, so he wrapped them up as best he could, and tried not to think about how hard Loki must have hit to break through skin.

    “I can feel it”, said Loki, just as Steve was taping the last bandage into place.

    “Feel what?”

    “That damned statue, stopping me from changing back”.

    “You said-”.

    “I lied”, said Loki, knowing that Steve was going to remind him that he said he was fine

    “I figured”, admitted Steve, “Is this why because you didn’t want me to see…”. Loki shook his head.

    “I never imagined it could have this deep an effect, I thought…” With the distraction of the blood gone, Steve started to actually look at Loki’s form, the blue skin was adorned with small ridges that framed his face, that were sort of mesmerising in their own way. Steve held out a hand to touch one of the ones just above his eyebrow. Loki flinched. But he kept going, smoothing his thumb out across its surface.

    “Stop”, Loki pleaded.

    “Why?” asked Steve, moving his hand to cup the side of Loki’s face.

    “Because I hate them”, it was a simple but fitting explanation from Loki’s perspective, but Steve wasn't having any of it.

     “They're beautiful”, said Steve, leaning up to kiss one of them, “You’re beautiful”.

    “Don’t say that”.

    “Tell me one good reason why I shouldn’t?”

    “Lying doesn’t suit you, Captain”. Steve could feel the crack down the centre of his heart widen and break. He recalled how Natasha had once told him that the truth was a matter of circumstances, that it wasn’t all things to all people all the time. To him, Loki was beautiful and desirable and everything he ever needed, but Loki didn’t feel those things. The worst thing was that maybe he never had. 

    Loki had migrated to stare out of the window, the first speckles of daylight beginning to rear their heads, he could only hope they would bring an end to his torment. He tried to walk away when Steve took a hold of his hand and made him face him, but he’d lost the will to fight back and Steve was clearly not going to give up without one.

    “Look at me”, Steve said insistently, “I’m not lying and I need you to believe me, because do you know what else isn’t a lie, that I am completely, hopelessly in love with you. I love you, Loki, Prince of Asgard, rightful King of Jotunheim, God of Mischief, I love you. I love you in every colour and species, and when you look like you haven’t combed your hair in a week”.

    “Hey”, Loki protested, breaking into a small but hopeful smile.  

    “I love you”, Steve reiterated and Loki’s smile turned into a cathartic sob, Steve almost hauled his body into his, nuzzling his head into Loki’s neck and peppering it with kisses, “I love you”.

    They eventually wound up back in bed, neither of them sleeping, whatever spell had done this was clearly intent on kicking and screaming its way out. Loki spent the early hours of the morning shivering in cold sweats and squirming restlessly, once again scratching at phantom itches. Finally, it ended though, Loki exhaled as his magic returned to normal and his skin turned back to its familiar shade of pale and sooner or later, the two were able to fall asleep, for a few hours at least. Steve woke up first and silently made his way down to the kitchen. He thought about how Loki had cooked them breakfast after their first night together, how happy they’d both been, but it appeared that misery would always be just below the surface in their business.

    “Hey”. Steve jumped at the sound of Bucky’s voice, an orchestra of clashing cookware playing over the top.

    “Jesus, Buck”, exclaimed Steve, turning to look at his creepily sneaky friend, “You scared me”.

    “Was everything okay last night?” asked Bucky, ignoring Steve’s previous comments. Steve’s oldest friend had been put in a room next-door to Loki’s, seeing as how it was a little further away from the rest of the rooms, and as much as things were getting better, Tony didn’t want to run into him first thing in the morning.

    “Nothing I can’t handle”, said Steve turning back to the stove.

    “Is that blood?” Bucky almost shouted, noticing the speckles of red embedded in the back of Steve’s shirt.

    “What?” Steve reached backwards to indeed feel the stiffened fabric, remembering how Loki had clung to him, “It’s not mine”.

    “Wow, really reassuring”, apparently Bucky wasn’t going to let this go, “I heard glass breaking last night, what happened?” 

    “Something happened with Loki’s magic, he’s fine now, things just got complicated for a second”.

    “But everything's okay now?”

    “I think it will be”.

    “Here, let me do that”, said Bucky, nudging Steve back from the countertop, “You look exhausted, d’you get any sleep last night”. Steve laughed half-heartedly as he sat down and let Bucky get to work.

 

    When Steve returned Loki was curled up in the bedsheets, awake but vacant, residual sweat forcing his hair slick to his forehead.

    “I brought breakfast”, he said, setting the tray down on the bed next to him. The smell of bacon and pancakes was enough to stir Loki into an upright position. Steve smiled.

    “This is good!” said Loki, with a little bit too much surprise nestled in his voice.

    “Is it really that unbelievable that I would cook you a decent breakfast?”

    “This isn't decent this is good”.

    “Okay, Bucky made it”. Steve had said if light heartedly but Loki’s face dropped.

    “You didn't tell him about…”

    “What no, he just knows your magic went a little haywire that's all”, Steve assured him, tucking a loose strand of hair being Loki’s ear, “But”, he went on, “I think we do need to talk about it. I mean why do you hate it so much?”

    Loki contemplated his answer for a moment, “Steve”, he said, setting the breakfast try to one side, “How much do you know about mine and Thor’s first…altercation?”

    “I know the basic details”, obviously he’d read the SHIELD files on the incident and Thor and painted some broad strokes of the events preceding New York. 

    “I didn’t fall from the Bifrost”, he said it like it was an admission of guilt, tears were welling in his eyes.

    “What do you mean you didn’t fall?” deep down he knew the answer, he knew that one way or another Loki had wound up floating through the void and into the arms of the Chitauri.

    “I let go”, Loki mumbled and Steve’s stomach sank, “I was hanging over the edge and I let go”. Steve felt ill, the kind of sickness born from anger clawing at your insides. “Seeing myself like that it just brought me back to…” The damn broke and tears flooded out for the dozenth time that day. Almost catatonic from rage, Steve clung to Loki, barely able to move listening to the sound of his cries. Part of him wanted to throw Thor through a brick wall for ever taking him to Jotunheim.

    “Please”, Steve begged finally, “Don’t ever go”. He’d already lost so much, his entire reality, Peggy, he barely even had Bucky back. He couldn’t bring himself to think of Loki being sent back to a dark enough place that he might lose him as well.

    “Steve”, said Loki, his tears subsiding, “I love you too”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter will be happier!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to make it up to Loki after their dinner plans keep getting derailed. 
> 
> “Are you mad?” asked Steve, “About dinner?” Loki paused, contemplating his answer, not knowing if there was a right one.
> 
> “No”, he finally decided, “But. It would be nice If trying to take over the world again wasn’t the only way to ensure some time alone with you”. It was said in jest, obviously, but it hit Steve worse than the actual ton of bricks that had fallen on him the night before. He’d spent enough time with Loki to know that his jokes had more truth to them than he let on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some short and sweet fluff because I said this chapter would be happy.

     Privacy was in short supply at Avengers HQ, even at well past sunset there always seemed to be someone coming or going, and spare time was just as precious. Which annoyed Loki to no end. That night had been the third time that month the Captain had had to make a sudden exit, leaving his exasperated boyfriend stood to listen to an empty room and screeching alarms. Out of everyone, except maybe Romanov, Steve was the one most often called away at a moments notice, his brute strength and military training making him useful in almost any situation. Then when he did get back he was normally at least a little bruised and beaten, the morning after had been no different that time around either. It was easy to tell when Steve had been hurt more than he’d want to admit, Loki would inevitably wake up to a half-empty bed and find the man in question hiding his wounds behind a seldom used bedroom door.

    “Morning”, Loki called, peering his head into the room. From where Steve was sat it wasn’t difficult to spot the bruise forming underneath his eye, or the slightly busted lip.

    “Sorry”. The blonde looked down and ruffled his fingers through his hair, “I didn’t want to wake you”.

    “Of course”, replied Loki with an unconvinced grin, it was endearing, really, how the Captain didn’t want him to worry. He walked over to the couch his boyfriend was lounging on and took his face into his hands.

    “Oww”, Steve whined, squirming slightly at the touch.

    “Stay still”. Loki ran his hand across Steve’s lips and he winced again, puppy dog eyes on full display and Loki was happy to fall hook line and sinker into them. He leant down and placed a gentle kiss on Steve’s lips, those kisses were always the best. The kind fuelled by lost concern and relief, that reminded them why they were there in the first place, and it didn’t take long before Loki was straddling the Captain, his legs clamped around his waist and his tongue running itself along the smaller man’s jawline. It didn’t go any further though, and before long Steve pulled away, opting instead to run his hands through the long strands of black hair falling into his face, before clasping his fingers together behind Loki’s neck.

    “Are you mad?” asked Steve, “About dinner?” Loki paused, contemplating his answer, not knowing if there was a right one.

    “No”, he finally decided, “But. It would be nice If trying to take over the world again wasn’t the only way to ensure some time alone with you”. It was said in jest, obviously, but it hit Steve worse than the actual ton of bricks that had fallen on him the night before. He’d spent enough time with Loki to know that his jokes had more truth to them than he let on.

    “I’ll make it up to you, I promise”. 

    “It’s just dinner”. But it wasn’t, thought Steve, not when it kept happening over and over again. “We can do something tonight”.

    “I thought you had that thing with Thor?” asked Steve, “The housing panel, for the Asgardian refugees?”.

    “Well when I get back, I’m sure can only talk about affordable housing solution for so long”.

 

XXX

 

    It had to be perfect, no more last minute missions, or alien artefacts, just the two of them alone together and in love. He’d even gone through the ordeal of asking Tony for a dinner recommendation, which he was never going to hear the end of.

    “You and Reindeer Games, it’s actually quite adorable, and surprising that you found someone age appropriate”, joked Tony. However, even though it was no doubt annoying, Steve was glad that the two of them had returned to some kind of normal, especially since Bucky had come home. The food was being ordered in from the restaurant, and Thor was going to text him as soon as they were on their way home so everything would be ready in time. The only downside was that thanks to the small commotion the food had made, the entire thing had become a spectator sport for his fellow Avengers, and Steve was sure to do a double check to make sure Tony didn’t have any secret cameras hidden in Loki’s room. He knew he was being paranoid, but paranoid was a better alternative to pacing his way up and down the room whilst he waited for the door to open.

 

XXX

 

    Turns out you can talk about affordable housing solutions for quite some time, or at least you can be asked an endless stream of questions about it. By the time Loki got back home, he was exhausted, his eyebrows crushed inwards and his headache rising. In truth, he wasn’t really expecting Steve to have done anything special, promises normally found a way of making him wait. Which is why it was all the sweeter when he opened his bedroom door. Really he should’ve suspected something was going on, Thor had been acting like a giddy child the entire way home, and the rest of the Avengers were all gathered in the common room probably waiting for him to get home so they could witness Steve’s efforts come to fruition. It was really quite something though, what could’ve been a thousand candles covered every available surface, a small table had been set out in the centre of the room with yet more candles and a crimson tablecloth draped over it, dinner already waiting for him.

    “Captain”, exclaimed Loki, unable to control the smile that was spreading across his entire face.

    “I hope this is okay?”

    “Okay!” Loki couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, “It’s…perfect, you are perfect”. He almost ran over to Steve, pulling him into his arms and mouth, he couldn’t even remember the last time anyone had gone to this much trouble just to see him smile. Oh dear.

    “Loki?” said Steve, noticing the little pools welling in his eyes, “Are you crying?”

    “Not at all”, telling a lie had never felt that good before, “Why don’t we eat, this food looks incredible”, he said, making his way over to the table. Steve practically ran after him, pulling out the chair for him before he had the chance.

    “You know, you didn’t have to go to all this trouble”, said Loki once they were both seated with glasses of wine in their hands.

    “Yes I did”, insisted Steve, “Because, I don’t want you to think you’re anything less than a priority. I love you, and that should be the most important thing in my life, not the next mission. I spent years wanting something to come home to, now that I finally have that I don’t wanna waste it”.

    “Captain”, said Loki, reaching across the table to take Steve’s hand in his, “There is nothing that you could possibly do to jeopardise this relationship, I will always be here waiting for you. Even if that means I don’t like it sometimes”. 

    They spent the rest of the night eating and drinking, and dancing, and together everything felt right with the world, even though sometimes it wasn’t.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki goes on an undercover operation, leaving Steve alone with only his paranoia to keep him company
> 
> “We have one day”, pleaded Loki, “Let's not waste it arguing about what’s already been decided”. Steve nodded, pummelling his head into Loki’s chest, undercover operations were dangerous, all it took was one wrong play or one factor that didn’t quite line up and it was all over. Even if neither of them was saying it they both knew there was a chance this was their last day, and yet they couldn’t bring themselves to say an actual goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, there's actual plot in this one, I know I surprised myself. I'll be honest it's pretty angsty but there's a happy ending! Also I've been re-reading the whole story and keep finding grammar errors etc. if you see any please tell me so I can edit them!

    “This is a bad idea”, said Steve, perched on the end of the bed watching as Loki packed.

    “It wasn’t really presented as a suggestion”, the man replied, looking down at the tracking anklet that stuck out from the bottom of his pants, a constant reminder that he wasn’t quite a free man.

    “You could still say no”.

    “That doesn’t mean that I should”.

    “But”.

    “No, no ifs or buts. This is important, and if I’m the best person to deal with this then so be it”, said Loki. Steve sighed, he knew that he was right, even if he really wished that he wasn’t. Loki had been asked to go undercover at a museum the CIA believed was selling illegal alien artefacts to the highest bidder. Some kid that Tony had taken a shine to had busted a network of arms dealers using alien tech to make weapons a few months earlier and the government was trying to crack down on similar operations. Of course, Loki had been the obvious choice to send in, he could shapeshift and actually had a chance of understanding what the items being sold were. 

    “We have one day”, pleaded Loki, “Let's not waste it arguing about what’s already been decided”. Steve nodded, pummelling his head into Loki’s chest, undercover operations were dangerous, all it took was one wrong play or one factor that didn’t quite line up and it was all over. Even if neither of them was saying it they both knew there was a chance this was their last day, and yet they couldn’t bring themselves to say an actual goodbye.

 

XXX

 

    Loki had spent the night trapped in ‘his’ new apartment, forcing his way through the file on the man he was supposed to become. Edgar Giroux. He was real enough, French-born, British educated, and had a long history of buying art from less than reputable sources. All Loki knew about the circumstances surrounding his death was that they were suspicious, that was all the CIA had told him, but the confidence in with which he’d been informed it was covered up made him wonder what their role had been. He lay in bed, glancing down at his newly bare ankle, even a tracker imbued with magic was too much of a risk so off it went. Would he be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about running? Probably. It wouldn’t be difficult, pick a new face, keep his head down or cause as much mischief as he wanted to. It wasn’t entirely unappealing. Yet he didn’t, he just carried on laying there, staring up at the ceiling waiting for the next day to come.

 

XXX

 

    Those first two months had felt like a lifetime for Steve, constantly waiting, for news, a phone call, a letter. Anything, really, that let him know that Loki was okay. But that day had been particularly testing, he was trying not to let it get to him but he could feel it rising as he slammed one of the kitchen cabinets with a closed fist.

    “Jesus Steve”, called Bucky from the doorway, “What’d that thing ever do to you?”

    “It’s nothing”, Steve insisted, but he didn’t even have to look away to know that his friend saw right through him, “You’ll think it’s stupid”.

    “Try me”.

    “It’s our anniversary”, Steve said shyly, “Six-months. And I know it’s dumb but I thought I might get a call, or a letter, or something”.

    “That isn’t dumb Steve”, said Bucky, “You’re allowed to miss him. Everybody gets that, so if you wanna slam a door shut every once in a while, no-ones gonna hold that against you”. Steve brought his hand to his face, he could feel the tears coming, the ugly kind that stains your face and breaks your heart. He hadn’t let himself cry over Loki, that’s the one thing he’d promised himself, because if he didn’t cry then Loki was okay, and he was really hoping that was the case. He prayed that Loki just forgot, or he got the date wrong because anything else could mean something was very, very wrong.

 

XXX

 

    He’d really meant to call, he should’ve had good news as well. The mission had been going great, the Museum curator Fredrick Sawyer was honestly kind of an idiot and Loki wondered how he’d even kept such a complex criminal enterprise afloat. Money had been Loki’s guess. Whatever the case, he should've been able to go home within a few weeks, he'd even put off telling Steve until their anniversary so he had a present to give him. That was until someone tipped of Sawyer that the real Edgar Giroux had died, with proof, and it hadn't taken long for his disguise to drop after the car batteries were brought in. It could have been worse, they knew who he was but they didn’t seem to be pushing the limits of what a God was capable of taking. On the other hand, they weren’t asking him any questions so it was entirely possible that the only purpose the battery served was to make him suffer till the very end.

 

XXX

 

 

    It became quickly apparent that sleep was going to be absent as long as Loki was, Steve found trying to sleep in his own room was next to impossible. Whenever he rolled over the bed felt foreign and even the sun shone through the windows differently. It’s not like Loki’s room was much better either. Too many memories, nights of tangled limbs and kisses burned into his retina whenever he closed his eyes. If he did sleep it was usually on one of the many couches scattered around the compound, the others found it strange at first, but it didn’t take them long to figure out what was going on. They did, after all, have eyes. It felt like he was just waiting to wake up from a nightmare.

    But then the waiting stopped and it was even worse. He’d been asleep when they’d finally gotten the call, his body so desperately wanted to crawl back into bed but his mind had been shot awake to the point of no return.

    “What exactly do you mean by missing?” Natasha was the first to speak after Agent Ross had ‘explained the situation to the best of his ability’.

    “We’re not sure”, he told them, “It’s all rumour and speculation at this point”. The table shook as Thor slammed his fist into it and the room lulled into silence. Steve’s world felt like it was spinning the wrong way, for months he’d told himself that Loki would come home, that he had to come home, but he didn’t. He could just as easily die, and the worst thing was that there wasn’t a damn thing Steve could do about it. The CIA didn’t know where he was, and even if they did Steve doubted they’d share it with him, or any of the Avengers for that matter, one too many toes in risk of being stepped on. Part of him wanted to go in all guns blazing, find Loki and bring him home, but the Accords were signed and they’d been told to stay out of it and maybe they were right. He was emotionally compromised, and anything he did could risk the entire operation. He just had to trust that Loki had a plan.

    

XXX

 

    Loki most certainly did not have a plan. The plan had been, go undercover, conduct surveillance and report back to the CIA, being chained to a chair in a locked basement was unquestionably not part of the plan. He strained against the cuffs clamped around his wrist, the metal felt slick against his skin, obviously not from earth, and whatever they were made of was doing a good job at dampening his magic. Perhaps Sawyer wasn’t as incompetent as he had first thought, he knew all too well how deep an act could run.

    “You know, it was clever, the CIA sending you in”, said Sawyer, hoisting a large bucket of ice water closer to Loki’s chair, “If it hadn’t been for that leak then you might have just gotten away with it, but that’s just your bad luck isn’t it”. Loki felt Sawyer’s overgrown fist clench around his jaw before he saw it, the shock of the pain burning up his face. During his time undercover, Sawyer had never presented himself as imposing, quite the opposite, in fact, he was a small, mousy man, with thin wire frame glasses that sat awkwardly on his face. But at that particular moment, he had a God at his mercy and the power was feeding the darkest most deprived parts of his soul.

    “You are going to tell me everything they know, or your brother'll be finding another one of your corpses at his door”.

    “You say that like you aren’t going to kill me anyway”, Loki said through gritted teeth, Sawyers hand remaining firmly in place.

    “Yes, but what condition we deliver you in, that is up to you”. It could be worse, Loki thought. at least he was being asked questions that they needed answers to, all he had to do was hold on long enough for Steve to find him.

    “And what about that lovely boyfriend of yours”. Loki strained against the chair, the back legs shifting and nocking against the cold concrete floor. But he said nothing, Sawyers hand clamping around his mouth muffling his cries.

    “Oh there we go”, the man continued with glee in his eyes, “Don’t worry I won’t harm him, no, killing Captain America might bring a bit too much attention for my liking, but Sergeant Barnes, now there’s an idea. I don’t think anyone would miss a barely stable assassin. What do you think that would do to the good Captain, to lose his best friend again, and all because of you? Do you really think he’d want anything to do with you after that?”

 

XXX

 

    Three days had passed since Loki had been reported MIA, and Agent Ross was staying as silent as possible on the matter. Steve had been excused from his duties, Tony insisted that he wasn’t any use to anyone without sleep and a clear head. Which is why he was surprised when he heard a knock on his door. At first, he thought it must be Thor, coming to wallow in their shared pity, what if he died and they never knew? No body or funeral, just nothing. Steve was snatched from his own mind by the sound of Bruce entering his room.

    “Steve?” he said, “Are you in here, the door was unlocked?”

    “Yeah, I’m here”, replied Steve, getting up from the couch he’d been led back on, “Is everything okay”.

    “We, well I, I think I might have an idea”, Bruce’s voice stuttered but Steve could tell by the look on his face that he had something, his brain was working at a million miles an hour, “I think I can find Loki”.

 

    Bruce led him into the lab in silence, the super soldier too busy trying to process what was happening to worry about making small talk. Once they got there, Tony, Natasha and Thor were already waiting for them. Steve looked up at one of the screens, surprised to see the old tapes of Loki’s cell from before New York on full display.

    “You see me and Tony were brainstorming”, Bruce explained, “And I remembered something, when we had Loki in containment everything was being monitored, audio, radiation levels -”.

    “And”, Tony cut in, “Thermal imaging”. With a tap, the small, grainy, red, yellow and green image had been blown up onto every screen. “You see turns out your little boyfriend”, Tony went on, “Burns cold”. Steve inched closer, Loki’s outline was indeed distinctly un-human, swaths of brisk green making up the entirety of his form. Thor shot Steve a knowing glance, Loki having a below average body temperature made sense given his physiology. 

    “How does this help us find him?” Steve asked, he was intrigued by the discovery but couldn’t understand how it related to finding Loki.

    “His signatures unique, if we can narrow down where he might be being held then we can use this to get an exact location”, said Natasha, “Presuming the CIA hasn’t been sitting on its ass”.

 

    Even though, as it turned out, the CIA hadn’t been doing just that they were less than excited to hear that the Avengers had been ‘interfering’ with the investigation.

    “We told you to do one thing”, bellowed Agent Ross from the head of the briefing table, “Stay out of it, let us do our job”.

    “With all due respect Agent, I fail to see how this interferes with your investigation”, said Bruce, “All we did was review some old data”.

    “Who cares who got it and how”, Steve was almost yelling, months of anger pouring out to the surface, “Can you use this or not?” Agent Ross sighed and rubbed his hand against his temple, his foot started to tap, tap, tap, under the table.

    “Maybe”, he finally said, “Sawyer’s holdings are extensive, but there are only so many places you can hold a God hostage. We don’t have them all yet, but this could be a start”. Steve felt the air release from his lungs, finally, he let a shred of hope lodge itself inside of him and he prayed it wouldn’t have too long to grow sour. 

 

XXX

 

    It wasn’t the first time he’d been tortured, or the first time someone had tried to break him apart and put him back together for their own gains. He was over a thousand years old, the pain was second nature, and thankfully Sawyer lacked imagination in how to inflict it, despite how much fun he seemed to be having testing Loki’s limits. The only thing different this time was that he actually had something to lose, if he gave in or not didn’t just impact him, they could hurt Steve, or Thor, or any of the Avengers really, slowly picking off anyone important in his life. That was the worst part because that was a new pain he’d never felt before. Maybe he should just give in, tell them everything, sure they’d kill him immediately but at least everyone else would be safe. The only thing ruined being a single CIA operation. Who knows what he would’ve done if that bang hadn’t come just in time. 

    The sounds of explosions and gunshots echoed down the hallway, Loki knew that he couldn’t let the guard standing outside get in, if it really was a rescue mission then he had to stay alive long enough for them to get to him, and he had no idea how large the compound was, how many twisting and turning corridors they might have to navigate to find him. Without a second thought, he lunged his body, still chained to the chair at the door, using his own body weight to hold back the very strong and very determined guard. The door rattled, and Loki pressed himself into the rusted metal hoping it would be enough to keep him breathing. Normally he’d have no problem holding back a single human from behind a door, but he was weak, his body ached all over and he had effectively no magic, and before long he felt the chair legs slip from under him. The last thing he remembered was the force of the slab of metal colliding with his face.

 

XXX

 

    None of the Avengers could sleep knowing that the rescue mission was going on without them, not even Clint, who had started to pace up and down the room. The CIA might have taken their idea but there had been no way they were getting on that extraction team and they all knew it, they’d pushed their luck getting involved at all.

    The phone rang and they all jumped, Tony lunged for it first, no hesitation in answering.

    “Hello”, he said into the receiver. Steve tried to make out what was being said on the other end but it was just incoherent muffles. Tony stayed silent, his eyebrows furrowing further together as the call went on, “Thank you, Agent Ross”, he finally said before hanging up the phone.

    “Tony”, plead Steve, expecting the worst.

    “He’s alive”. The whole room sighed, and Thor might even have shed a tear, and Bucky waisted no time in flinging his arms around his best friend. In his elation, Steve almost didn’t notice the look Tony shot Bruce, who quickly snook away from the rest of the group.

    “What was that about?” asked Steve, the panic returning to his voice.

    “Steve”, Tony said, putting both hands on Steve’s arms, pulling his attention back to him and away from the door, “He’s in a bad way”.

    “How bad”, Steve’s voice had turned frantic, “How bad!”

    “God damn it Stark”, yelled Thor, “Just be out with it!”

    “They think he was tortured”, as Tony’s voice broke so did Steve’s legs and he had to be scooped up by Bucky and back onto the couch. “But he was injured during the escape so they’ll know more when he wakes up, he’s on his way here now”. Steve couldn’t breathe, it was like he was fifteen and having an asthma attack all over again, the smog and filth of depression era Brooklyn filled up his lungs.    

    “Oh my God”, was all he could manage.

    “Thor”, said Tony, “You might wanna call one of your Asgardian witch-doctors down here”. Thor looked just as ill as Steve did, his face had gone sheet white and there was sweat pooling in his palms, all he did was nod before bolting for the door. Steve wasn’t sure if he was going to make a phone call or throw up. 

 

XXX

 

    When Loki did finally awake it was nearly two days later and to a chorus of bruises and wounds.

    “Steve?” he groaned, even speaking elicited a sharp stabbing pain in his lower left abdomen.

    “Shhh, you don't have to speak”, said Steve, smoothing his thumb across Loki's clenched fist, smiling as the tension melts away, “You had me worried there for a second”. Loki didn't say anything, instead, he just nodded in agreement as his eyes started to lull themselves back to sleep.

    “It's okay”, said Steve, “I'll be here when you wake up”. He lent up and pressed the smallest of kisses on Loki’s forehead before he collapsed into his chair and for the first time in weeks, he was able to drift off and into sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve struggles to deal with the aftermath of Loki's captivity.
> 
> "That turned out to be was easier said than done, especially when his brain was insistent on playing out the worse case scenario. Nightmares weren’t uncommon for him, but as soon as Loki was released they quadrupled, he’d dream he was waking up to a dead body next to him, or Thor would come and tell him that Loki was gone and they’d both sit there wailing, for what felt like hours. Though, the worst were the ones where he actually had to see it, the man he loved beaten and tortured until the life drained from his body before he jolted awake. One night he almost had a heart attack when he’d been scared into the land of the living, only to find an empty bed."

    Pain had always had its place in Loki’s life, but a near week of continual beatings and torture still took its toll, even on a God. It was two weeks before he’d even been allowed to leave the sick bay, despite everything he managed to keep his spirits up, much to Steve’s surprise. What wasn’t surprising was the super soldier’s incessant worrying, even Bucky told him that he needed to take it easy.

    “He’s not a child Steve”, Bucky reminded him over breakfast one day, Loki still asleep in his room, “I mean the guys got a thousand years on us”.

    “I know”, said Steve, letting his spoon splash into his almost empty bowl of cereal, “But we still have no idea what happened there, and I’m just worried that if he doesn’t talk about it”.

    “Steve”, Bucky cut him off, “Do you know why I liked hanging out with Loki when I first got here”. Steve shook his head, he’d assumed they were just trying to get along with each other for his sake. “Because he’s the only person who didn’t look at me how you look right now”.

    “What look!”

    “That look like you think he might break any second. He’ll talk when he’s ready to”.

    “And until then?”

    “Until then, he’s in a highly secure compound surrounded by the strongest people on the planet, he’ll be fine”. Steve thought about that word, ‘fine’, the truth was he didn’t want Loki to be fine, he wanted him to feel like he could walk on water. But Bucky was right, he needed to make sure Loki had enough space to deal withe everything in his own time.

 

     That turned out to be easier said than done, especially when his brain insisted on playing out the worse case scenario. Nightmares weren’t uncommon for him, but as soon as Loki was released they quadrupled, he’d dream he was waking up to a dead body next to him, or Thor would come and tell him that Loki was gone and they’d both sit there wailing, for what felt like hours. Though, the worst were the ones where he actually had to see it, the man he loved beaten and tortured until the life drained from his body before he jolted awake. One night he almost had a heart attack when he’d been scared into the land of the living, only to find an empty bed.

    “Loki!” he yelled, for a moment thinking that he was really gone, but a few seconds passed and he heard the toilet flush and Loki hobbled out, still bound to crutches. Steve ran over to help him back to bed.

    “You shouldn’t be moving around, I could have helped you”, said Steve, snapping his arms to Loki’s waist and guiding him across the room.

    “I’m more than capable of going to the bathroom alone Captain”, his annoyed tone didn’t go unnoticed and, remembering what Bucky had told him, Steve let him struggle back under the covers. From the way Loki was looking at him, his face must have still been sheet white from his nightmare, and he could feel the breeze from the A.C clinging to the dampness coating the back of his neck.

    “Are you okay?” he asked, “You look ill”.

    “I should be asking you that”, said Steve, climbing in alongside and pulling him into his shoulders, “It was just a nightmare”.

    “I’m sorry”, said Loki, his body wrapped tentatively around Steve’s, making sure not to aggravate any of the still healing wounds.

    “You don’t have anything to apologise for”, insisted Steve, “I just want everything to go back to normal”.

    “I’d say normal’s always been a relative term for us, besides, it could be worse”. Steve felt sick, thinking about what possibly could have been worse than the long gashes made with stolen vibranium that spanned all the way down his back. Or the bones that had finally been broken under a crushing weight. The injuries Loki had sustained terrified him, a horrifying reminder that even a God could die.

    “You know, that doesn’t make me feel better”, said Steve, with his chin resting firmly on Loki’s head. He thought about stopping there, closing his eyes and praying that the long body wrapped around him was enough to let him get some sleep, but his curious fear got the best of him. “Have you? Had worse I mean?”.

    “Once”, he answered, his body tensed up and Steve could feel the knots forming in his shoulders.

    “Can I -”.

    “No”, he said, before Steve could finish asking, “You can ask me about anything but that. Please”. Steve should’ve stayed quiet, he knew there was no way he’d get an un-addled night of rest after that. He could already see the nightmares playing out in front of him, but he knew that if he pushed further all he’d get from Loki was anger.

    So he laid his head back and whispered, “Okay”, before resigning himself to a restless night and a strong pot of coffee in the morning.

 

XXX

 

    “You’re up early”, said Tony the next day, coffee already in hand, “Rough night?”

    “Something like that”, replied Steve, gladly accepting the mug Tony had offered him. 

    “Reindeer games keeping you up?”

    “Not even, I just can’t get what happened to him out of my head”.

    “Yeah well those images are leaving me any time soon, and I’m not even sleeping with the guy”, as soon as the words were out of his mouth Tony realised what he’d done.

    “Images?” asked Steve, setting his drink on the table and marching closer to Stark, “What images?”

    “Trust me, Rogers, you don’t wanna know”. By then Steve was towering over the smaller man, eyes barrelling into his.

    “What images?” he repeated, voice firmer and through teeth gritted.

    Tony knew there was, unfortunately, no way out but the truth, and with a sigh said, “Thor said we shouldn’t tell you”.

    “Tell me what Stark?”

    “There was surveillance, in Loki’s cell, we recovered everything, I didn’t watch all of it, and neither did Thor for the record, but it was rough”, he finally admitted after a brief pause.  

    “I want to see it”, said Steve, still glaring down at his teammate, “Now”. Tony’s basic instinct was to argue and tell him that the last thing it would do is any good, but they’d been down that road before and they were as stubborn as each other, so he knew there was no way he was going to change Steve’s mind. 

 

    Tony led him to an empty lab and told FRIDAY to not let anyone else in whilst he pulled the footage up from the servers. 

    “Are you sure you wanna do this?” asked Tony before hitting play, and Steve just nodded, finding that his voice and gone dry as his breathing got heavier. “Okay then”, and the video started rolling. It was more awful than he could have possibly imagined, the audio was the worst part though, he could close his eyes but there was nothing he could do about Loki’s tired screams, he’d tried so hard not to let out. A lot of the video was just Loki alone, slumped over in the cold metal chair he was chained to, eyes sunken and as broken as the rest of his body.

    “Are you sure, we don’t have to”, said Tony, when Steve told him to skip over the parts where nothing was happening.

    “Keep going”. Tony reluctantly complied until he couldn’t take it any longer.

    “I’m out”, he shouted, “You wanna stay here and torture yourself be my guest Rogers, but I’m not gonna be a part of it”. Tears rolled from Steve’s eyes as he was left alone with the image of a knife being dragged across Loki’s back paused on the centre screen. As much as it pained him to admit it, Tony was right, and he shut off the screen.

 

XXX

 

    Bucky nearly knocked him out when he’d told him what he’d done.

    “Did you know about this”, asked Steve, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.

    “No”, replied Bucky, “And if I had I damn well wouldn’t have told you about it”.

    “Yeah well, Stark didn’t exactly mean to let it slip”, he said, “And it’s not just what happened to him there, the other night, he made out like he’d been through worse”.

    “So?” asked a somewhat de-sensitised Bucky, of course, no stranger himself to the finer points of torture and its after-effects.

    “You know he tried to take over the world once?”

    “Is that what you’re worried about, that all this is somehow gonna send him back over the edge?” Bucky’s disbelief and shock at the idea of Loki rejoining the ranks of villainy was proof of just how far the Prince had come in all those years since New York, “He was off his anklet whilst he was undercover if he wanted to run he would have”.

    “But that was before”.

    “Steve, he’s a thousand years old, and literally the God of Mischief. You’re going to have to deal with the fact that you might not be able to know everything about him, and trust that he won’t screw you over anyway”, said Bucky, “Do you know what I think”, he didn’t wait for Steve to answer, “I think this has almost nothing to do with Loki being kidnapped or whatever happened to him whilst he was in that place, it’s about you being afraid of losing him in any way and the fact that you can’t control that”. He was right, ranting or not he was right. The terrible thing was that he did trust Loki, but somewhere in the back of his mind, the scrawny kid from Brooklyn who never seemed to catch a break was telling him to prepare for the worse case scenario. Which was ridiculous, because he didn’t have to do it alone anymore, and perhaps he never did, there was an entire team of people around him who’d always have his back. Not to mention a man who loved him.

    “You’re starting to sound like a therapist”, said Steve, his scowl at last breaking into a smile.

    “Yeah, well, I spent enough time around them”, Bucky joked, “I guess I picked up a thing or two”. The best friends laughed, and later that night Steve finally slept, his boyfriend curled up into his side where he knew he’d remain for the foreseeable future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this part took a little longer than the rest, I was really drained of creativity for a while so I hope this came out okay!


End file.
